Have you ever met someone who defied the laws of attraction?
I grew up with an older brother that not only defied them but created them. It seemed like everywhere I looked he was kissing and dating some of the cutest girls I could ever imagine. To this day he is the most natural and genuine guy I ever seen with girls and people in general. I wasn’t sure then what made him such an Achilles heel to people’s heart.
Looking back and having gone through some of my own exploring and at times hazardous days of intense training (mostly going out to clubs and meeting people randomly in the street, or even packed subways with the usual 10 people staring at you with suspicious eyes). I have come to realize it was not as complicated as I made it out to be, and neither should it be complicated for you to meet people you like anywhere you go.
Are you ready to know my brother’s one famous word that landed him the cutest girls in our school back in the day?
I have to confess that it took me a year to finally understand my brother’s technique. It would have been easier if my confidence was better. When I finally realized that the word he was using all the time was “Hi”, I was astounded.
The word is so simple even a 3-year-old is able to say it, but that’s what makes it so powerful.
“Hi” is composed of 2 letters. It’s one of the most used words in every conversation and conveys a lot of meaning. Npr.com wrote a very short but shocking article of the history of hi. I was shocked to find out that Thomas Edison revolutionary invention gave the meaning to the word “hi” as we know it today.
A simple hi can tell you a lot about a person. How they feel (tonality), their body language when they say it, and way more if you know what to look for. Yet it’s mostly overlooked or oversimplified by people trying to meet their significant other.
I firmly believe social conditioning through Hollywood movies is the reason that we have come to over think how we meet people in today’s society. We have this belief that we need to be over the top and literally “sweep a girl off her feet” to even get a fighting chance of getting some attention. The type of movies where the protagonist does the most amazing and romantic gestures like renting a whole stadium just for a date, I am looking at you Adam Sandler.This is simply not the case as you will come to realize by the end of this article.
Movies play a huge role in our collective psyche and hardwire us to believe we have to do this extraordinary acts of valor that make our bodies swell in terror and shake in fear at the mere thought of attempting this in front of a room full of strangers.
Hi can literally be HELL
I get it, saying hi to a random person can feel like you are dying inside. At one point I truly believe it might be much easier just to win the lottery than to gather the necessary strengths needed to introduce myself to the gorgeous girl sitting next to me.
I admit, social anxiety can be a bitch, and although it’s all in your head. It is a real fight or flight response that makes you want to either run or punch the wall besides you in frustration.
If that is not hard enough social pressure also plays a huge role on your nerves. You have a basic instinct that helps you stay of trouble. Think prehistoric times where you lived in a tribe to have a better chance of surviving.
Now call me crazy but you instinctively know what’s your ranking (status) in the tribe. If it’s high, then you feel more entitled to feel confident around girls. If not that high, then you have to basically ask permission to the alpha male to even speak to a girl.
Have you ever noticed when you see a cute girl how you start scanning the room? I believe this is a way to check your status in the room and basically find some sort of permission that makes it okay for you to even look at this beautiful female.
Not only that, even previous experiences can get in your way, perhaps you tried talking to that girl you really liked just to end up with a nice path in the back and a “nice to meet you” leaving you in complete humiliation in front of your peers or even worse…your mom. What? Like it never happened to you.
You gotta understand, this is all in your head. You give the meaning to the situation. Although very real, the meaning attached to that reality you created can be altered to your liking (on command). It takes a lot of conditioning but with practice…nothing is impossible.
To say hi or not say hi, or to say it 10,000 times till you no longer need it (think about that for a second).
I know in the beginning of this post I said it wasn’t as hard as I made it to be. Yet it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life. Why? Well if you are shy like me, it will be the same as running naked in front of a stadium packed with beautiful girls, (let’s make all of them swedish), while doing all of this voluntarily, sober and even then you are just catching a glance of why this is so difficult for some of us guys.
Yet with practice comes power.
With 10,000 trials comes light. That’s exactly what Thomas Edison did. Can you believe that? He created light on command as he dreamed for years. Intangible dreams that seemed so realistic that he was willing to give it a go, and another go, and another go, till he succeeded or died trying.
Benefits that come from practicing hi
Through the last couple of years since I have said hi not only to girls but to everyone everywhere I go, I have been mesmerized by the many rewards of being a person that is friendly towards others.
This is a few of the rewards I have experience since I started my journey:
You will get to see way too many perspectives of how other humans look at the world. If you ask me this is one of my favorite of the bunch. It might even help you support your own theories of why are we all doing in this world? What is the purpose of pushing yourself to the limits just to die in the end?
You’ll meet thousands of people and make the most unlikely friends.
You’ll be recognized in the most random places. If I only told you how many times I have taken a wrong bus just to find someone I met a year ago. It’s just insane.
You’ll develop what Steven Covey called “seek first to understand and then to be understood” habit. I prefer to call it, putting yourself in other people’s shoes.
Trying different things besides hi
At one point though, you will think you have gone past hi, that you are too good for it and that you need to part ways. But this can lead to a lot of what I like to call, “what should I say retardation question”. You start overthinking the opening and when you finally are able to say something, it sounds way to over prepared and uncalibrated.
You’ve got to be humble and appreciate the simple 2 letter word I have retaught you.
At the end all you ever need is a simple hi
If you come to think of it, “Hi” is all you ever need to start an interaction…if you don’t agree with me, then shoot me a message in the comments below, but I am willing to bet you will start your comment with a nice “hi”.
Of course hi accompanied with the best version of yourself. That also means growing some courage to walk the steps between you and the person you like.
Now if you truly want to be the James bond of social interactions like my brother, then you’ve to really take some chances. You have got to go for all. Same as James Bond. He is an “all in” type of guy, you just need to watch Casino Royale to understand what I mean. And although this can be your downfall, most likely it will end up with you moving to a nice beach with a gorgeous girl.
You got to be the apple of phones and think of it like: the hi is the nice package the apple products come in. Nice, simple and it makes you smile every time you open it. On the other hand the best version of yourself is the actual product.
You got to work on the package, specially what’s inside of you!
All the package: body, mind and spirit. That means going to the gym, taking care of your body, good foods, good hygiene, reading books, finding passions, working hard and developing yourself.
That’s what it takes to attract people and that’s what it took to create light. Though I don’t think Thomas Edison was very strong physically, but he was mentally.
The dark side of hi
It’s not all is sunshine and rainbows, you also have to understand that talking with a lot of people comes with a negative side. Not everyone will be nice to you. You are one more Jehovah witness asking people to convert to your religion. And you can easily argue that that is exactly what you are doing.
Not everyone you interact with will have a good chemistry with you, some will even hate you for it. Some will tell you “meeting you was the highlight of my day”. By now I’ve gotten hundreds of these comments and let me tell you, they are all worth the 10,000 rejections.
Life after hi
What happens after you say hi? Will everyone just go down on their knees and proclaim you emperor of their lives? As mentioned above, not a change in the world. Though it will be pretty sweet for about a week…. maybe a year and then it will start to get pretty boring. Joking aside, this is where the “be the best version of yourself” and “do cool stuff you love” comes into place.
Hi is only the beginning. You are the rest that comes after that, and if your life is empty, so is your interactions with other people. Think of all those people you admire and how alive they are. If you were to have a conversation with them you know you’ll never run out of things to say and do. This happens because the people you admire have a lot of things going on in their lives. Taking risks, travelling, meeting great people and so on.
You are not that different from the guy standing next to you, something you can find out pretty soon after having a conversation with them. You and them are made of the same flesh.You are not that different from the people who created the world around you. Created light, buildings or traveled to space. Someone with the same fears created and did all that.
You only need practice, I promise….and a simple hi.